Fresh Air From The Age

“I see a harbor filled with masts and sails, wearied by the sea wind that wearies me.”

Patience

Is just another way of getting old. Nothing great happened by being patient. The greatest feats and blunders were made possible by impatience.  I always thought the way out of this slump is being patient. ”Bring yourself to a patient mind when lost in the night” -Baudelaire. Well, it´s not. In fact, it´s the absolute worst idea i´ve ever had. Bringing myself to a patient mood means feigning the happiness, feigning some excuses, feigning an indescribable experience. Bringing myself to a patient mind means studying Journalism– it means faking an opinion. It means that ill never be happy. But here I am, waiting for nothing, expecting nothing, doing nothing, and i´ve never been happier. Ill always do everything on a whim, and ill never fucking regret it. Im gonna study English cause the world is round and everyone has their place and im not gonna fucking regret it. Im gonna move out of my town and not regret it. Ill work the shit jobs and live a life others wont without any fucking regret. Theres an incredible boredom dominating everything lately. I feel it on nights like this– lost in routine, (work in the morning, tired at night, not eating, smoking too much, not sleeping), and you know what? Done.

I have a home, a car, and a debit card. I live in America as an American. You want a quote? Here´s a quote– THE quote:

¨Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.¨

Im leaving this city, this state, and this country. Im gonna go places ive never been to before to speak to people ive never spoken to before. As far as money goes, I dunno. I wont be going anywhere for money, ill be going there because a friend has someplace i can stay, or because a favorite author lives there, or even because theres a great place to go for dinner. Ill find a way just like anybody would. I dont wanna meet someone because I should, Dad. I dont want an entry level position with promises of promotion here and there. I am no prodigal son. I am no promising youth. I am no white-collar slave. I am no blue-collar joe.

What a time to be godless and impatient. I am here. What will I do?

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